There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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