So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
