I have demons in me.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
