Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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