Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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