If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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