the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
