I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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