sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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