Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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