She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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