Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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