does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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