The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
