There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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