I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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