I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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