Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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