Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
