I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
