I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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