Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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