I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
