I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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