I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
