I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
