can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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