So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
