I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
