I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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