dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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