Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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