we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
