I wish my penis had an off switch
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
