doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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