i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
