so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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