he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You need Xanax blowdarts
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
