You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
