No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Randomize
