I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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