sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I party with great urgency now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
