remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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