Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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