I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
