Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
