I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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