Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Come on in and take your pants off
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