If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
