fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
