U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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