I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
