You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
