he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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